Pretending

We talked about just letting thing go where they may, but NOT starting a serious relationship... Neither of us want that right now. Then why, a few days after this conversation, do we get closer than ever to each other?! That's how love works. When you least want it or expect it, it comes and slaps you on the face. Disrupting your life. Making you question the pathways you've chosen for your future. Yet, with all this unwanted love floating around, the smiling doesn't stop. That distant off in the clouds smiling. Remembering those sweet nothings, moments when you feel so entwined with the other you don't want to entangle from the sheets in the morning. We laid there in the afternoon as I read an Isabel Allende novel out loud, colors of a Latin American past: vivid and pure, with time worn furniture and complex characters filling our minds. Our legs twisted around the others, feeling the security in a touch. We walk the banks of the resevoir at dusk knowing that this perfect day will soon end and our social obligations will soon begin. The golden and purple hues of the sunset fading with the realization. Already phone start ringing, work must be attended to, and ways separated.
Later the distance is overwhelming in a crowded bowling ally. The occasional high five does not subsist the urge to sit next to him, tousle his hair and lay my hand reassuringly on his chest. But others are watching, wondering, and we play our part - always pretending.